at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
