Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
