he told me I talked like a deaf person
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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