Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
