dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
