I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
