During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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