So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
i think my cat just said my name.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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