Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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