I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
