every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
