How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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