literally had 100 drinks last night.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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