She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
