Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
