Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
