walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
