Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
