She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
