My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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