i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
