Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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