Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
