I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
