found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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