i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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