I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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