I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
