i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Randomize
