i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
