im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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