if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Randomize
