I got her a Nickelback box set.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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