Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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