Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
