i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Mom said you looked used
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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