Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
