This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
this just has baby written all over it
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
