Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
