If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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