Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
