I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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