I wish my penis had an off switch
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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