but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
