Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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