in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
our cab driver is having phone sex.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
