and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
