If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
