in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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