your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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